A Wondering Why(God help me)

 

Opening the gates to his home the man sighed, after a long day only needing to climb up a few more steps before some respite but before making it past the barn he noticed his son throwing stones at the shed door. “What are you up little guy? Looking at him with concern. Would you rather cause harm than greet me hello? Also didn’t I tell you to leave that poor door alone?”“And didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?” The boy tersely responded, darting his head away.“Well, that was a full day ago. Still in a mood I see, well you can spend your time here, until you hurt yourself but why waste a bad mood on stones when you could spend it with me above?”

 

The kid walked step-by-step toward his father dragging his feet in protest kicking any pebbles he could until his father was close enough to grab his hand. They walked toward their house up a small hill, it had a great open view of the surrounding countryside, their lucky little observatory as they liked to call it- here you could see their garden turn to forests and then to grazing fields with the mountains off in the distance.

 

Once at the porch they instantly caught sight of the stars- it was a rare opportunity, the father had been so aloof with work these days but would only to return to vanish into his study. 

But also it was a night were the breeze died down to the point of a gentle sigh and the stars were in such a way you couldn’t ignore- they had a certain audacity about them tonight, like a woman in her best dress, all eyes were beholden, thousands of shades of purple, violet, blue, a scene that would pull the poet out of any man.

“You think you can guess how many cattle are in the field over there” The father pointed to the distance

“Twenty-three, they got two new ones recently the child said dusting the stone residue from his lap.

“So Dad what does it all mean?” The boy wasted no time.

 

The father leant back into the bench chucking, having only just left his work friends he had yet to brush off the locker room talk. 

But still, was struck by the sight of innocence of his youngest- only at this age he thought, do they have the curiosity to ask such a question and the humility to mean it.

“Why? This is normally the question of someone who’s unhappy. Do you not like your life?” Looking at him he smirked wryly.

The boy pulled his feet up on the bench and dipped his head on his knees staring out at the sky.

“And what if I were to tell you anyway” the father continued. “Then you would be bored the rest of your life no?”

“I’m bored right now Dad…”

“Ahh so I must be entertaining with my answer also!”

The boy just sat in the silence- happy to let it emphasise his mood.

 

“Well it depends on what you mean, but the question you’re asking is about you, no? You’re asking what does everything mean… to you. Or does it all have human meaning. Is the universe just endless frozen, molten rock and space- or do our feelings such as sadness, frustration and maybe more powerful ones like joy and wonder scale to a size as grand as the universe?

"And if someone were to taste such a thing what would they do? Would they run around all day long screaming ‘God!’ even ‘Eureka!’ or would they go back to doing the dishes?"

 

"Well I tell you, I’ve stared at the stars long enough to know this meaning won’t fall on your lap here.. but I’ve never tried this knee-pointing technique you’re attempting, you must teach me this sometimes little yogi. He poked at his son in hopes of some laughter but the boy just continued to stare out, he never saw him this serious before."

 

I would bring you to the holy book, as it’s given me some great guidance in my life but it now only gives me aches from the time spent holding it- the father looked at his outstretched right arm as if he was trying to shake off phantom pains.

 

"Why did you hold onto it for so long then?"

"Why seems to be the question of the night. I’ll tell you- in hopes that some night one of those stars will fly in my favour."

 

"And what would you wish the star do?" The boy retorted 

 

“Hmmm well maybe at first it would grow bigger and brighter, until it’s so close it appears as a big blazing ball of light! And just when I believe myself doomed. It stops right before me, turning into an unknown friend.”

 

“A friend?”

 

“Well I don’t know him.. but that doesn’t matter to me nor to him. We sit down like we are now and he tells me everything I’ve wanted to know.”

 

“So you don’t know!” The boy interjected.

 

“You didn’t let me finish... This being the knowledge of all the many recipes to satisfy my dear little boys picky palate. Because if I can’t cook well enough for him, perhaps the aliens can?”

 

He managed to get a little chuckle out of him this time but the boy quickly rubbed his nose to disguise his father’s victory.

He didn’t want to give into his humour- everything then would quickly become one big joke. And this was serious business. The weather, a pensive father, the stars begging to be climbed, if only in thought. After all, how often are you stood in a spot where life wants you to explain yourself?

 

“What would you ask the alien then?” the boy continued

“Of course what’s his latest and greatest spaghetti recipe. But I’m worried they don’t have tomatoes in space. Or they might be an odd colour, like purple or something.”

The boy shrugged 

 

“Okay I’ll be serious, It’s a good question- I’d ask him what you just asked me now- but maybe differently.”

The dad strokes his beard for a moment- the boy always knew he was in for an answer when his hand became lost under his chin- 

“I’d ask did we have a beginning. And do we have an end. And I don’t mean just physically, that point is clear, we all know we are born and will eventually die

But if we consider our second hope for the universe- in spite of its impersonal appearance - if we look to ourselves and ask: What underpins all these feelings and emotions we have, even our thoughts- is that they all ‘mean’ something correct? And if we are to abstract out this ‘meaning’ and ask- does this thing have a source? Can we find a place where it is highest? And then does it have a death too? A place where it is lowest?”

 

The son looked at him suspiciously

 

A lot of times our search for a good life- is about how much meaning or value we should give certain things- and because there is an endless number of things, perhaps we are nauseated and do so aimlessly? Like right now you're all grumpy because something- I suspect it’s your brother again- Has done something and his poor behaviour has emotionally kicked the crap out of you- and now you’re sat thinking ‘am I going to keep feeling pain like this? And if so, what’s the point?’

 

Well, I’m not talking to him again- as he crossed his arms looking straight ahead with a frown

 

Alright, but we can start throwing words at him- or we can look for ourselves?

 

So if we got tired of swimming through this endless stream of little meanings and ask: if meaning had a meaning in itself, or if we found ‘the meaning of meaning’ then couldn’t you say that meaning might be objective yes? And if we found what all meanings shared- a universal meaning, perhaps it could be found in the world around us no? This is what I think the religious chase in ‘god’ or the spiritual in a ‘higher consciousness’ and it’s what they claim we unwittingly chase around in our day-to-day. A supreme meaning, that would give context to the many meanings in our life- because all moods, all our expectations on how our life is, are dependent on a context. They are in a relationship to the things that we deem less or more meaningful. So is there an ultimate context? 

 

The boy looked at him seriously now, as if trying to catch the point between his two tensed eyes browns.

‘So, holding his finger to his mouth taking a pause. Because I don’t know how meaning works - You’re saying I give it to things randomly?   

 

“Good but thinking about the nature of meaning is a little difficult- so we’ll try use a metaphor- Imagine I was on a journey son- And I knew where I was and where I wanted to go—Because I have these two things I can now play with the idea of ‘how’- like how will I behave? How will I arrive there? What transport I will use, road I will take, what speed ect and all these facts easily come to me because of the understanding of the two positions.

I am saying this because we don’t have these dimensions for human meaning- we neither have a source or know where it absolutely leads. And if we did maybe then we’d have a better understanding of all the meanings in between? 

But these aren’t great answers rather just thoughtful questions - but again as Carl Jung pointed out half the problem in finding a solution is having the correct question.

 

So, let’s pretend for one moment- everything has a meaning- I will let you pick something, and we will try discovering it for ourselves, okay? 

 He pointed to the sky-

 

“Woah!” The father looking at his son’s hand.

 The child smiled sarcastically-

 

‘A hand-pointing technique too Swamiji!? You’ve not taught me the knee one yet..

Okay the stars I assume, is it? Okay good and might even fit what we are talking about here – So why did you pick them?”

 

Isn’t it obvious? 

 

Maybe but I still want you to answer- what’s obvious still escapes us-

 

Because they are like these big beauty diamonds just hanging there right in front of us- I think if you lived a life and never saw one- you would be missing something.

 

And why can’t we notice them during the day?

 

Ummm because it’s too bright.

 

So, we need a lack of light or for the sun to disappear right?

 

The boy nodded affirmatively.

 

So, when it comes to the stars, we can only notice their wonderful luminosity, their awesome presence when we ourselves are covered in the dark?

 

The suspicious look crept back on the boy’s face -

 

So we can only appreciate such brilliant fullness when we are subject to emptiness- which we refer to as night. And perhaps we can use this in our search of meaning also? We cannot witness our supreme source likewise because we don’t empty ourselves like the Earth does at night? If we wanted to see something truly great and the stars have no parallel, then the lesson here is we need to lie lowly beneath looking up in an empty shadow of light. 

The father left a pause watching him digest “And what type of person does this sound like?”

 

“Living in darkness?  Like a monster?”

 

“Hmm not exactly, focus on the ‘emptiness’ part, not the ‘darkness’.”

 

“A poor person?”

 

“Close, but not exactly, I’ll give you some help- you know the famous quote ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven’- What virtue does this sound like?”

 

The child looked off into the distance- playing with an empty cup in his hand- rolling the edges against the arm rest. That sounds a lot like humility.”

 

“Very good”

 

“So I need to be humble– but I don’t think I know that much, and I know I’m wrong a lot- so why hasn’t anything fallen on me?”

 

“You are humble, but you also aren’t” the father smiled- “We will

cover this soon, but also remember, we are just asking questions and seeing where it will lead us. There is a popular story with the Greeks- when Socrates what trying to find out who is just or not, he creates a situation where a shepherd comes across a ring of power.

 

Like Lord of the Rings!

 

Yes but Socrates is a little older than The Lord of the Rings, so in one of his talks he wanted to know, do we do things because of our reputation or for the good in itself? To figure this out he present a story where the reputation is taken. One day the shepherd, a servant of the king, was watching his flock of sheep when the floor opened up and appears a ring, granting him the power of invisibility

 

Like the lord of the..!

 

Yes, but let me continue

 

Is he like a Hobbit though?

 

“You can’t resist talking about those books can you”

 

“Aye, I be cursed with the gob of Pippin yes, the boy speaking as if suddenly 60 years older”

 

“The father stared with confusion- careful now, I don’t think Pippin was betrayed by his brethren was he?”

 

“Wow Dad, I don’t expect my brethren to protect me from any orcs if that’s what you’re are saying”

 

“Well I’ve seen that boy run from spiders as small as a raindrop, so I don’t expect him to barge some scary orcs, that is one way you might get him back, befriend a few spiders, just like Frodo did in the movie”

 

“He never befriended him. He was almost killed by him…”

 

“Not before Sam saved him though”

The boy looked off suddenly struck by an idea

 

“Anyway before we get lost with our horrible plots, and I don’t want the house filled with spiders by the way, What do you think happened with our shepherd?”

 

“Well…”

 

“Without any references to Mount Doom or any other Lord of the Rings plot points”

 

“That makes it hard…”

 

“Then perhaps I should continue, the shepherd heads toward the kingdom exploiting his invisibility, eventually killing the king, marrying the queen and stealing his crown- This point is hard to appreciate but if we are totally invisible to others- we would naturally behave in a manner that would increasingly become self-serving. Because a life of great ease or even luxury would require needing others to serve you. We can even refer to the ring story you love so much, what happens when to any normal ‘man’ who picks up the ring?

 

He usually turns evil and quickly,

 

Except the Hobbits right? But the Hobbits might not have the titles, the strength or the stature but instead live a simple life and that life sounds like our idea no?

 

They do seem that way.

 

And it's because of their great humility can they can bear the considerable power of the ring with the weight of temptation that comes with it, unlike normal men, elves even dwarfs- who although, relatively decent and fighting for the good, because they are still addicted to glory and honours- like we all are- this means when they have absolute power or the ring in their possession, these voices which are their impulses or vices take over, and corrupt them. So, to answer your question are you humble? Just like most people of course you are, and maybe a bit more, as we have found some wonderful questions, but if we keep to our questioning and ask how humble can you be? In the most profound sense, which I certainly don’t have and most people don’t even believe in anymore. Then we need to keep asking questions to get a clearer idea of this. And perhaps find some real-life examples that aren’t fictitious or imaginary. But we can ask ourselves before then, how can you handle absolute power? Or how do you treat those which you have absolute power over? 

 

I don’t have absolute power dad

 

You do, over the flowers and fauna that surround us. This is one of the reasons why people actually became vegetarian in the beginning - but then being vegetarian becomes a reputation or a title of honour in a way- which can make them more arrogant than a regular person.

 

“They sound like puppets of Sauron to me!”

 

“Exactly my boy, a bunch of Saurmon’s waiting to happen. And if being vegetarian makes people more arrogant what in heaven’s sake would happen if they had a God experience?”

 

“A lot worse I think”

 

“So we are speaking now and set our conditions for our search of meaning or god through the lens of humility or emptiness– and we are looking for signs- we want to test our theory- so we stand back from earth as an angel looking down and think where can we spot this dynamic? Is there any place that holds claim to these ideas?”

 

“Hmmm” the child thought- “it would of course be the central banks.”

 

“And how our lives would be, if only I could get in there! But us angels can only break into minimum security buildings, which is why all my wealth comes from libraries- but let’s be serious for a moment”

 

“It would be religion”

 

“Great, it’s in religion we hear ideas of sacredness, the holy, the most-high and of course the central idea God.

So, there are largely two ways of approaching the idea of God- do you believe in God? This is the more common approach, where people answer yes or no or even agnostic in conversation and his characteristics are generally assumed- usually a personified version, a man in the sky sat on his throne. The second then is- in all these cultures we find this universal idea of God - and what exactly is the intended meaning of it? Now this is the approach we are partaking in- here we are trying to treat God as a symbol to represent a process in the world- just like if we are to see a spiral carved above an old tomb, a common symbol- in a two-dimensional view it looks like a circular expanding outward right? That or just someone having fun with a marker.

But if we are to make it three-dimensional it is seen as a vortex, and the three-dimensional portrayal is typically two snakes entangled in a dance around each other, like the staff of Aesculapius used in medicine. Now this can be interpreted as opposites attracting and repelling one another in the world and although the symbol shallowly captures the process, the real thing is of course much more complex. Now the idea here is God or supreme meaning or whatever needs to be constantly moving towards us as one of these snakes but because we are acting like the alternative snake, we create no vortex- This could be said to be the essence of Christian guilt,  But we wonder how to move? And these are the examples of the various messiahs throughout history”

 

 

“So now we’ve found our answer and flown back to earth- as we were getting cold up there. So we turn to our own our tradition to see if there are any more clues pointing at this dynamic in our Christian version. So we will refer to my holy book”

The father jumped off the bench and started walking towards the door.

But the child shot his feet before him before his father could pass,

 

“You couldn’t get me a warm drink?” The boy looked up with a guilty smile

The father grinned back pushing his legs down and continuing to the door,

 

The child swung his feet back and forth off the bench in thought- ‘what chance had he?’ His father spent his whole life looking and still went looking for an old book- Surely it must be more simple? There must be a place nobody has looked, maybe it is up there in the sky. A star nobody’s noticed? And it would all come pouring down- He began scanning the sky but after a few moments quickly realised he was being silly. So decided to close his eyes and say a prayer to himself still swing his legs.

 

“In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.”

 

A big booming voice announced from behind, startling the child - the father paused allowing him to relax for a moment.

 

“So, the first act, is a creative one by God, he creates the sacred heavens” the father said gesturing upward ‘and then the hollow earth.’ Pointing downward “So emptiness is the nature of this world- as evidenced by our wondering”, he said stepping past to sit down again “And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.”

“Darkness was upon the face of the deep’ refers to an abyss or the deepest part of the ocean and only by this being the case, did the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters- Gods reflection appeared on the surface of the waters. So this absolutely has parallels with what we are discussing, the same dynamic but in an alternate way- people through the centuries would have walked past a lake or some water, looked into it, spotted their face and thought “just as I appear to myself here, god will likewise appear to me, when I am as the water below”

 

“But didn’t God not create light and darkness until after that though?” The boy cut in

 

“Yes, and the water until the second day I think”, he looked down to quickly confirm, “But the first assumption of religion is: meaning proceeds our physical world, because remember the heavens are created first, but the relationship between the world and heaven, or us and god is still presented using fundamental physical qualities people would have lived with- so even though these things did not yet exist, they are still used in the explanation, this looks like a contradiction but is really saying: you can use these things to help you understand, but it’s in fact far deeper. So, before God separated the waters from the waters, meaning water has an essence or a meaning in the same manner as we are treating our stars. And if we are to take this further and assume we are closer to God by witnessing the processes of nature- in modern times, could we easily say we are a lot more impoverished. Even though we might have books upon books about any bush, flower or animal you can think of- we have very little naked interaction with the world. Now I’m not saying all gardeners are enlightened or if you see a tribe of people in the distance you should run towards them. Instead... you can probably guess what I’m about to say. Nature can be.. a source of?

 

“Humility!” The boy said throwing his hand up in the air.

 

“I’m quickly becoming a cliché. So the first claim of our book or the metaphysical claim of meaning here- we must be like water below to see his face from above- so then we extend the metaphor turning our view to water, what would you think this implies? What are the characteristics of water?”

 

“Where is my drink Dad?”

 

The father pointed to the armrest on the other side of the child as he grabbed the cup clasping it with both hands analysing it to see if he could tell what was in it- but instead observed himself taking a deep drink- “You can see through it easily” he remarked.

 

“Yes, we might associate this with honesty and sincerity. Someone is visible to themselves. “You will understand everything when you know yourself” What else?

 

“You can easily move water too”

 

“Okay it is fluid so open to change, non-resistant- But the depth of the water creates a darkness- just as if we are honest with ourselves to the baseness of our lives what we witness are dark realities, because the extension of my life means the death of another, even the fact that you need me to care for you, means you are lacking in some way and lastly like we covered before, what if I am given absolute power?

And familiarity with these facts can also be an experience of humility- So our analogy has definite similarities here.

 

Anyway, I think we should follow our own advice- so shall we descend from our hill to go below to continue with our questions? I think im back is getting stiff from the seat

 

The child jumped off the bench and started walking down below.

 

(I want an old man to come with a broken car- the father begins to fix it they start discussing- the story of Jesus- humility is normally seen as a passive quality- which means what are you receptive to but there is an active quality to it also- which is how much pain am I willing to endure for you?- Humility as self sacrifice- which is the story of Jesus-- And I might bring the whole death part which is true emptiness/Humility)

 

As they walked car lights was flashing in the distance the son turned to

 

“Maybe your alien friends will arrive tonight Dad?”

 

“If the alien is driving a car, especially a Volkswagen then I think I’ll just leave him be, he got to at least have a helicopter”

 

“And what if the alien comes from below instead of above?”

 

Hmm okay, seems like you’re listening, as long as his brain is three times my size then I will listen to him, but he’s also got to be very tiny like one of our Hobbits

 

“Then we revert to Genesis 3 the Adam and Eve- What happened?

They were tricked by the snake and ate the fruit from the tree- the tree of knowledge of good and Evil.”

 

 

“She took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her

husband with her; and he did eat.

“So, the religion- starts off with an odd contradiction- you must come and learn of Christ but be careful as this knowledge of Good and Evil, like all knowledge will push you away from God. What’s a typical problem with someone who has too much knowledge? They become arrogant right? They become ‘full’ of themselves- So we can absolutely acknowledge this as a signal to the same dynamic we were discussing again- but further, what happens right after still on the same story”

 

“They hide from God, and they cover themselves.”

 

“And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they

were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

They were no longer concerned with baring or stripping themselves- qualities akin to humility- instead covered themselves up. A since they were no longer transparent to themselves as the water, God’s face could no longer appear upon them, and were consequentially kicked out of Eden. So again, we can spot an angle where our theory is proved.”

 

“Is there another example we can pull? The fourth story of Genesis what do you think of that?”

 

“Cain gives to God, and he is displeased Abel gives his choicest and God is most pleased”

 

“Good now we can say that one brother gave more than the other- but the Greek root for Cain means to ‘acquire’, and for Abel ‘nothing’ or ‘empty’- Interesting, no? So, Abel is coming from a position of emptiness - and Cain from acquisition. But this is fascinating, no? Here we have a hidden virtue, the silent virtue that is referred to multiple times in the beginning of the Bible.”